My Toddler Is Hitting: How to Stop Aggressive Behavior from 2-3 Years Old

If you're asking, "Why is my toddler hitting?" or "How do I stop my toddler from hitting?", you're not alone. Hitting is a common, challenging phase for 2 and 3-year-olds. It's frustrating, but it requires clear, consistent responses.

Why Toddlers Hit: Quick Reasons

Toddlers hit when words or emotional control fail. Key reasons include:

• Big Emotions, Few Words: Frustration, anger, or jealousy without the vocabulary to express them.

• Communication: Trying to communicate a need ("I want that toy!") when they lack the words.

• Attention Seeking: Any reaction (even negative) can be attention.

• Testing Boundaries: Exploring limits and consequences.

• Lack of Impulse Control: Their young brains can't always stop sudden urges.

• Overtired/Overstimulated: Exhaustion or too much input lowers their ability to cope.

How to Stop Toddler Hitting: Effective Strategies

When your toddler hits, your response needs to be immediate, consistent, and clear. The goal is to teach them that hitting is not okay, and to provide alternative ways to express themselves.

When your toddler hits, act immediately and consistently:

1. Stop It Calmly: Gently block. Say, "No hitting. Hitting hurts." or "Hands are for gentle touches."

2. Teach Alternatives: Show them what to do. "Stomp feet when mad," or "Use your words: 'My turn, please!'" Practice "gentle hands."

3. Brief Consequences:

   • Redirection (Younger): Distract with a calming activity.

   • Short Time-Out (Older): 1-2 minutes in a safe, boring spot. "You need to sit here to calm your body."

Prevent Future Hitting

• Routines: Reduce overtiredness.

• Offer Choices: Give small choices to empower them.

• Supervise: Intervene before hitting starts.

• Praise Good Behavior: Notice and praise gentle touches and good communication.

When to Seek Help

While common, consult your pediatrician or a child development specialist if:

• Frequent/Intense: Hitting is daily, violent, or causes harm.

• No Improvement: Strategies aren't working.

• No Triggers: Hitting seems random.

• Other Concerns: Worries about speech, social skills, or overall development.

  • Consider California's Early Start program for developmental delays.

Remember, patience and consistency are key to teaching your child essential social-emotional skills.

Where Can I Find Help If My Toddler Is Hitting in California?

1. Wellnest (Los Angeles - Slauson Area): Provides therapy and services for children 0-5 in South/Metro LA for aggression, tantrums, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

2. West End Family Counseling Services (San Bernardino County): Offers early intervention mental health services for children 0-8 addressing aggression, focus issues, and developmental/behavioral challenges, plus parenting classes.

   
   

3. South Coast Community Services (SCCS) - Children's Mental Health Services (San Bernardino County): Delivers mental health services for children in San Bernardino County, including anger management and other behavioral/emotional support.

Sources:

Nemours KidsHealth: https://kidshealth.org/

HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics): https://www.healthychildren.org/

Child Mind Institute: https://childmind.org/

Positive Discipline Association: https://positivediscipline.com/

California Department of Developmental Services (DDS): https://www.dds.ca.gov/

Children's Mercy Hospital: https://www.childrensmercy.org/